Are you a people pleasure?
A People Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favor. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people.
People Pleasing; a good or a bad thing?
I was once a big time people pleaser and let me say this, there is nothing wrong with pleasing someone, making someone happy and helping someone. People pleasing becomes a problem when it is at the expense of your own happiness, when it begins to drain and suck the energy out of your life, when it starts to feel like a burden and your life all of a sudden revolves around it. People start to use you and walk all over you. If this sounds like you, then you probably are a people pleaser and you are probably wondering how to stop it.
Well, first, we need to find out the root cause of why you people please. You may do it because you have a hard time saying no or because of intimidation. You may do it because you think it is the nice thing to do; you ever heard the phrase “ you are too nice”. You may be a people pleaser to be in other people’s good graces and because you feel that is the only way to make people like you, or to make friends or to fit in. You may be a people pleaser because you have a hero complex; always wanting to save the day, always being the strong one, always wanting to be needed. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
People pleasing for me began at a very young age and I think ost of you will be able to relate to this when I say; as a kid, pleasing your parents is one of the most important and prideful things that we can accomplish in our young lives. It made us feel good when we can make our parents proud; when they can look at us with complete joy and a sense of accomplishment. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but what if in your parents eye, no matter what you do it was never good enough. Your dreams and desires where meaningless an the more you tried to please them, gain their approval and acceptance the more disappointed it was. That confidence you once had in yourself and your dreams quickly turned into a negative outlook on yourself; lowering your self-esteem, conforming to what the abuse told you who you are. Constantly looking for validation from everyone but yourself.
That is where it all began for me. I had a hard time saying no because I couldn’t, because I was timid, because I had something to prove, because I didn't fully understand my self-worth. Only when you begin to know your worth and love yourself enough to stand in your truth, will you begin to change, will you stop letting people use you and walk all over you.
I have no problem with pleasing someone; only now I choose when, who and what I give my energy and time too and if it is not deserving of it, I say no. Saying no can be difficult, saying no can be uncomfortable, but once you get the courage to stand in your truth saying no without explanation is so rewarding and freeing.
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